MIA!

I set up this blog months ago, determined to join the intellectual elite of the 21st century and add my contribution. I truly intended to get this moving! Instead, life intervened, as life is wont to do, and I procrastinated (as I am wont to do!), and... nothing happened.

It's not for lack of thought. My head whirls every hour of the day with stuff. I think all the time. It's just that very little of it actually makes it out of my brain. Birth, life, death... the Divine or lack thereof... weighty matters (literally and figuratively!), fluffy stuff. Some of it actually seems interesting or important enough to share. Somehow, though, it mainly... stays in my mind.

I mean well; most of us do. The road to hell is paved with good intentions... But too often, little (nothing) comes of it. It would be so much easier if I could upload my thoughts directly to the 'net: things make so much more sense in my head. They lose nearly everything in translation, as it were, to paper or the screen.

However, I'm still determined, and I still mean to carry through. I'm trying to lower my expectations. I don't need vast numbers of readers or followers. I have no one to please but myself. I will try my hardest to abstain from the self-judgment that keeps me paralysed. I will simply write, and hopefully I'll get in touch with that harshest critic: myself.

This is a short post; call it a manifesto. It's spring; it's time to move on. Sondheim said it best: "I chose, and my world is shaken-- so what? The choice may have been mistaken; the choosing was not. You have to move on."

Choose. Stay stuck or stumble forward. Surely the stumbling is better than being stuck?

Speak Your Truth, Even if Your Voice Shakes

The most beautiful and most frightening thing in the world is a blank piece of paper... or in this case, a blank screen. It begs to be filled, but demands to be well-filled, and the pressure is immense. What if I can't meet the expectations of the blog-reading public? What if no one reads this? Worse... what if someone does??

Follow-through is not one of my strong suits, except in extreme cases. I've resisted starting a blog for precisely that reason: I tend to start things with the best of intentions, then quit. I don't want to do that here. I want to speak my truth; I want to make a difference.

It gets boring only talking about myself, but the groundwork is important. Otherwise, how will anyone ever understand why this issue or that matters to me? Indulge me; I'll try to do better and branch out in future.

I'm a nurse. That's my job; I'd like to think it's my calling as well, but I have my doubts. Certainly I was led down this path by Something beyond myself, though I'm not sure I'm going the right way. Birth is my passion; that birth works, and is safe, natural, beautiful, and above all, important, is my truth. I thought I would eventually be a midwife, but that ship seems to have sailed, at least for now; I question my suitability for such a noble vocation. If I thought I could survive medical school with my beliefs and passions intact, I would consider becoming a physician-- but again, I have my doubts.