Thursday, October 30, 2008

Speak Your Truth, Even if Your Voice Shakes

The most beautiful and most frightening thing in the world is a blank piece of paper... or in this case, a blank screen. It begs to be filled, but demands to be well-filled, and the pressure is immense. What if I can't meet the expectations of the blog-reading public? What if no one reads this? Worse... what if someone does??

Follow-through is not one of my strong suits, except in extreme cases. I've resisted starting a blog for precisely that reason: I tend to start things with the best of intentions, then quit. I don't want to do that here. I want to speak my truth; I want to make a difference.

It gets boring only talking about myself, but the groundwork is important. Otherwise, how will anyone ever understand why this issue or that matters to me? Indulge me; I'll try to do better and branch out in future.

I'm a nurse. That's my job; I'd like to think it's my calling as well, but I have my doubts. Certainly I was led down this path by Something beyond myself, though I'm not sure I'm going the right way. Birth is my passion; that birth works, and is safe, natural, beautiful, and above all, important, is my truth. I thought I would eventually be a midwife, but that ship seems to have sailed, at least for now; I question my suitability for such a noble vocation. If I thought I could survive medical school with my beliefs and passions intact, I would consider becoming a physician-- but again, I have my doubts.